May 3, 2017 by femvestige
It felt appropriate to use my all time favorite quote as the first quote post in a new feature for Fem Writ Books. The new feature is where I will create a weekly post about a quote I have read in a book, short story, or poem. These quote posts can be found in the prologue section of my site, and will all include #femwritquotes. I will always include a quote image that can be shared.
I first started reading A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray, the first book of The Gemma Doyle Trilogy, when I in my teens. Gemma spoke to me through her slightly selfish behavior and thoughts – because they were the same thoughts I was having. As I read the final book of the trilogy at the close of my primary education, I was sad and heartened at the growth of Gemma, and I too felt as if I had grown with her. Below is a quote from the final book:
“I am a jumble of passions, misgivings, and wants. It seems that I am always in a state of wishing and rarely in a state of contentment.”
Over time, I have reread the trilogy a least a handful of times because even now, a decade later, Gemma still speaks to me. Her strength, her weaknesses, her desperate wish to fit in, her ability to stand apart and be unique, and her yearning for more. Gemma is so human to me, despite her magical inclinations. That is what this quote does for me – it makes me feel like it is okay to be human. Libba Bray is a genius.
I love the word passion. It embodies so many aspects and emotions. As an employment specialist, I have been told to not encourage my clients to use the word ‘passionate’ because it turns employers off. I have used passionate in every resume and cover letter I write for myself because that is what I am. I am a person driven by passion. My passion and drive for helping others are the key components for why I do the work I do. My passion for art and beauty is why I participate in theater, and paint, and sing, and dance, and write. My passion for literature and the written word is why I have three blogs, three full bookshelves, and an aspiration to be a published writer. My passion for love is why my lover will never go a day without knowing that I love him fiercely and unconditionally. I am a woman of passion. I fight, love, and do everything out of passion.
I have many misgivings. As my metabolism has slowed and I look in the mirror, I have misgivings about the way I feel about myself. I say – “I love my body” and yet still feel myself comparing me now to me 5 years ago. I have misgivings about my career when I cringe every time I fill my car with gas or go to the grocery store and realize that I need a part time job to supplement my social work income. I have misgivings about myself and my choices – and it is so utterly human that I couldn’t possibly have none.
I want. I want all the time. I want to be financially stable. I want to start a family. I want new floors in my kitchen. I want to go a different direction within the nonprofit sector. I want a new dress for the wedding I am going to in June. I want to not want to eat that dessert. I want equal rights and the world where feminism doesn’t need to exist because life just is equal and accommodating. I want my mother to not have pain, and my lover to love me always.
“I am a jumble of passions, misgivings, and wants.”
I want a classic today. A new traditional. A classy modern. A tasteful present. “I am a jumble of passions, misgivings, and wants.” I want to help people. I want to be selfish. I am judgmental and hypocritical. I am educated and classy. I am innocent and naive. I am tainted and broken. I regret and I doubt. I love deeply and hide my pain. I am a stream of consciousness. Sometimes older than I care to be, and younger than I wish to be perceived. “I am a jumble of passions, misgivings, and wants. It seems that I am always in a state of wishing and rarely in a state of contentment.” And Libba Bray is a genius.
Familiarize yourself with Libba Bray’s blog by clicking “here”